Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize