I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
