I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
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