i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We had sex on a dog bed..
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
