I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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