Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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