hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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