He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
