I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
