You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
