Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's never too late to be topless.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
whose parrot is this?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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