You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
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