just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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