What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
