508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
