We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
