Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
