I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
