I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
