Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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