How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
