If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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