and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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