Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
