I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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