I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
no. you can't hotbox the world.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
