So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
