took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
