What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
