I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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