God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
