i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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