My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
