Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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