you guys were way drunker than both of me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
