Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
