saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
