last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
