ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
