i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
