ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
