Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
