Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
