I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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