I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The power of my boobs compel you
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
