I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My feet surprised me
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