I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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