this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
