Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
