How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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