Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
