craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
