I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
