im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
