Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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