She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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