I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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