i think my mom watched the whole time
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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