Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
